I’m going to share an excerpt from my book that describes a pivotal moment when I took a big step outside my comfort zone. Yeshua encourages me to make an effort to take some step, small or big, at least once a day. The impact has been life-changing! When we push through our fears, the world responds and opens up in unexpected ways. This is true expansion.
The following excerpt is from my debut book, *Awakened Soul: My Near-Death Journey Home Through Christ's Infinite Love*. In it, I reveal how I struggled with agoraphobia throughout my life due to my past experiences, and the amazing gift that happened when I faced and stepped through a very big fear.
"Agoraphobia involves fearing and avoiding places or situations that might cause panic and feelings of being trapped, helpless, or embarrassed. The anxiety is caused by fear that there's no easy way to escape or get help if the anxiety gets overwhelming.
I had no problem going out of the house as long as I had a friend or partner with me, but I was terrified of leaving my home, my safe space, by myself if I was entering an unfamiliar situation, especially at night.
One night around 10 p.m., I decided I was going to go to the grocery store by myself. The grocery store was the HEB on Nacogdoches Road in San Antonio, about five miles from the hotel I was staying in.
For most people, this wouldn’t be a big deal, but for me, it was huge. At this point, I was already having an ongoing dialogue in my mind with Yeshua, so He helped me work up the courage. It was a big step for me. I knew I could do it because I knew he was right there with me. I felt Him next to me and heard his voice.
I left the hotel room and made my way across the parking lot to my car. I remember I had to take some deep breaths when I got into my car, a safe space.
I eventually pulled out of the parking lot onto the main street, Nacogdoches Road, and drove toward the grocery store. As I drove to the store, I noticed that there were a lot of people out on the road. I thought, wow, there are lots of people out doing normal things without a care at all.
That really struck me. I realized that I had been missing out on so much by being so afraid of doing things on my own.
It felt so freeing for me to just be able to go to the grocery store at 10 p.m. without any fear or anxiety. This one simple thing was a huge breakthrough for me.
I decided I was going to make an effort to go shopping a lot more at night until it wasn’t an anxiety inducing task anymore.
The Gift
So, I entered the grocery store and did my shopping, and I felt as free as a bird.
I was only in the store for about 10 minutes when suddenly and slowly, everything and everyone around me disappeared from my vision.
Everything that was in my vision was replaced with a blue-green grid-like matrix. I was standing there with my eyes wide open clearly looking at a matrix all around me. Everything else was gone.
The matrix that I was seeing all around me lasted for a few seconds, at least three, which was long enough for me to get a good look and clearly see it. After those few stunning seconds, the store and everything around me came back into my field of vision.
And right here, I would like to add that after my head injury in 2001, I had stopped drinking alcohol and was off drugs after the encounter with my stepdad.
Needless to say, I was stunned. I stood there for a few moments and looked around for any sign of anyone noticing anything strange, but I didn’t see anything other than people shopping like normal.
I stood there for a moment, shook my head to clear my mind and continued shopping, all while having a conversation with Yeshua in my head.
I realized at that moment that the world around us is a projection! I know now that the movie The Matrix is a documentary, not fiction.
By then, I was somewhat used to strange experiences, but this was so mind-blowing to me that for some reason I hesitated to share what I saw, so I didn’t.
It took some months, but I finally got confirmation of my experience from my cousin on my dad’s side. After I moved back to Oregon, she and I spent some time together. I remembered her as being the hippie of the family. As we spent time together, I found out that she was basically the only person that I could share my crazy experiences with, and to my great relief, she could somewhat relate to them.
One day she shared with me that she had seen the grid. I was stunned. She shared, without me telling her about my experience, that she had seen the matrix in her room one day. She described it very similarly to how I saw it. I can’t say how relieved I was to hear this. I shared that I had seen the same thing in the grocery store. I told her that I thought I was going crazy most of the time. She told me, ‘No, you’re just seeing reality for what it really is’.
Since then, I’ve seen my own beautiful, pastel-colored personal matrix. I was amazed at how beautiful it is. I could see it moving with my breath. I was captivated by it."
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